Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
