similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
