I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
