You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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