Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
