HIV tests are more positive than that guy
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
