How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
