I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
