If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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