Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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