sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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