I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
