ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
