I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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