I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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