he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
