if only i could text you this smell
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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