i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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