I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
