Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
