Yo dont text me then not text me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
