allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
