My room smells like vodka and shame
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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