What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
