i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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