Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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