College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
