my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
