My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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