how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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