The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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