I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
