I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
