i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
