Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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