Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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