I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
