She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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