Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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