I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
