I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
