I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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