I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
