the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
