After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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