We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am available for nakedness
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
