I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
