I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
