last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
