the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
