my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
