hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
